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Doctor Curmudgeon: Don’t You Dare Say You’re Sorry

marketingsermowpuser — Wed, 11 Feb 2015 13:00:22 +0000

There are things that occur in the simple course of daily living that get my Curmudgeon up. They make me:

Want to holler

Want to reach through the phone and grab the person on the other end

Run to an island without anything more technical than a thatched hut

Find another planet.

I really hate it.

I am busy.

I call some place for tech support.

PERFECTA: “Oh hello, I am Perfecta. I am here to give you perfect service. I am so sorry you are having a problem. I am here for you and I….”

ME (breaking in): “I keep getting a red error notice, loud noise and my digital smart toaster oven shakes whenever I dial ‘toast.'”

PERFECTA: I am so sorry that you are having this problem. I will be sure that you get the help you need. What is your name?”

ME: “Hermione.”

PERFECTA: “Oh, Hermione, I am so happy that you called. I do hope you are having a wonderful day…”

RUDE ME (breaking in): “My toaster oven. Why is it going nuts?”

PERFECTA: “Nuts? Oh, I am sorry. We are not here for nuts. I thought you were calling about your toaster that was having a problem.”

ME (screaming): “I told you about my toaster…remember…red light…shaking…”

PERFECTA (with her sickeningly sweet voice). “Madam, you are screaming. I am sorry. It is not necessary to raise your voice.”

ME (quietly exasperated and back to nail chewing): “Just tell me what to do about my brand new, two week old, expensive toaster.”

PERFECTA: “I am so sorry that you have this difficulty with your toaster. I am so sorry that you get the red error message. I will help you. But, I want you to know that I am really sorry…….”

ME (really screaming now): “Don’t say you’re sorry. Just fix the damn thing.”

PERFECTA: (after a pause): “Madam, you have cursed me. I am sorry, but I will have to report you to…”

Next sound is me slamming the phone against the wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So readers, friends, foes, anybody who is out there…

Is there one among you who has not encountered a similar situation?

Is there one among you who knows the secret to handling these kinds of calls better?

If so, please, I implore you…tell me your secrets.

OH yes, I am so so so so so so so so so so so sorry to bother you with this dilemma

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Doctor Curmudgeon: A holiday reminder

marketingsermowpuser — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 13:00:24 +0000

REMEMBER THIS…

The column not written…

The thanks not given…

The appreciation not voiced…

The worthy compliment not expressed…

The happiness not displayed…

The smile not shown…

The thank you not spoken…

The friend not comforted…

The support not given…

The joy not spread…

The shoulder not given

The apology not tendered

The trust not kept

The helpless not aided

The friend not hugged

The meal not shared

The promise not kept

These can never be recaptured.

They can never be expressed again

These opportunities will never return

These moments are gone

In the frantic hubbub of this holiday season,

We must pause,

We must not let another day go by without remembering and doing.

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon is Diane Batshaw Eisman MD, FAAFP, a Family Physician, writer, voiceover artist, and medical educator. It was in the Neolithic Era that the doctor became renowned for expertise in Trephination. After so much time in practice, Doctor Curmudgeon is now cranky and has rightfully earned the honorific of “Curmudgeon.”

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon. Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”

The post Doctor Curmudgeon: A holiday reminder appeared first on Sermo.

Two Physicians Give Thanks

marketingsermowpuser — Wed, 26 Nov 2014 20:41:13 +0000

Editors Note: Our columnists, Linda M. Girgis and Doctor Curmudgeon, have teamed up to give thanks for their professions. Grab a hankie and enjoy.

—
The hardest task…
To stop…
Put our mental brakes on…
Let them screech…
And think…
About being thankful.
A much easier task is whining, complaining, and grumbling.
It is so easy to grouse

About people whom we feel are rude, and treat us with ill will,
About our aches and pains,
About the lack of appreciation we have,
About our finances,
About those who appear to have more than we.

But do these things really matter?

Isn’t it healthier and happier to focus…

On the family members who are loving,
On the friends who are always there,
On those who gave us compassion when we needed it the most,
On helping hands that were there when we reached for their firm grip,
On teachers who patiently gave us their wisdom and sense of integrity,
On those who showed us loyalty?

In this season of giving thanks, it is so easy to get lost as a doctor in all the changes going on in the healthcare landscape. It is easy to feel frustration with demanding patients and with patients we can’t cure. However, being a doctor is still one of the noblest careers around, and we are deeply thankful for this opportunity. We came to know so many people, treated the homeless and the rich alike, stayed up all night with the sick and dying. We have witnessed the very first breaths a baby has taken in this world — and witnessed the last words another will ever utter as he/she passes into the next. We are so thankful for this glimpse into humanity and the chance to help alleviate suffering.

We are thankful for all those patients who endure pain, novel treatments, fear — some knowing that they are never going to get better.

We are thankful for all the innovation happening in medicine — and hope one day we can cure everyone.

We are so thankful for our colleagues who know what we are going through — and help us carry our load.

And we, the doctors of the Sermo community, are most thankful for this place that is a second home to so many. We are thankful for all the great doctors in the community who help us solve cases and just listen when we need to vent. We are thankful for all the friends we have made inside. There is no other on-line community that fosters such deep friendships.

We are thankful for the leadership of the community and the vision they have for the future. We are thankful for their assistance and care — and sometimes just stepping back when we need room to soar. Without Sermo, we would be lost in the sea of medical chaos, islands all alone. Sermo truly transformed our lives like nothing else in medicine.
Thank you to all who are reading this and follow the Sermo blog. We would like to wish everyone a truly blessed holiday.

With love and wishes for lots of chocolate,

Doctor Curmudgeon and Dr. Linda

Bios

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon. Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”

credit: Linda Girgis, MD

Dr. Linda Girgis MD, FAAFP is a family physician in South River, New Jersey. She has been in private practice since 2001. She holds board certification from the American Board of Family Medicine and is affiliated with St. Peter’s University Hospital and Raritan Bay Hospital. She teaches medical students and residents from Drexel University, UMDNJ, and other institutions. Dr. Girgis earned her medical degree from St. George’s University School of Medicine. She completed her internship and residency at Sacred Heart Hospital, through Temple University. She has appeared in US News and on NBC Nightly News.

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Doctor Curmudgeon Battles Paperwork

lisasermo — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 13:00:31 +0000

Doctor Curmudgeon has a lot “on her plate.”

Patients to see.

Forms to fill out.

Phone calls to make.

Emergencies to handle.

She tries to organize, to keep her desk neat. She is in a losing battle. By nature, the good (and possibly messy) doctor finds her organizational skills lacking.

However, she keeps up the good fight.

Periodically, she tosses items to the shredder, to the circular file.

Seeing a clear area on her desk, she feels so good about herself.

And then, she leaves for the night.

Forgetting her mobile phone, she returns to the office and tiptoes…because it is dark and she always tiptoes in the dark.

—————————————————————————

8 PM.

The office is locked.

The alarm is turned on.

The office manager’s desk is neat.

Tomorrow’s charts are stacked neatly.

The front desk is pretty neat.

The lab area is clean and neat.

The break room is neat.

Coffee maker is ready to be turned on by the first person arriving in the morning.

My partner’s desk is neat.

And then there is a gentle rustling.

Possibly a paper giggle or two.

A lonely paper slides out from under the office manager’s door.

It quickly glides through the half open door to my office.

It leaps upon my chair, somehow managing to dump some ink on the seat.

Then, suddenly more papers appear.

They spread over the desk in a disorderly fashion.

They come together and they multiply.

Ye Gads! Those papers are procreating!

————————————-

I will leave condoms and birth control pills scattered around my desk.

Maybe they will take the hint.

But then again, I have heard of ”The animosity of Inanimate Objects!”

What do you do with the papers?

I am despondent.

I am hopelessly enmired as the papers and paper clips grow in number, causing my desk to groan with the weight.

And in the background, a witch’s cackle becomes louder as she approaches and orders me to

Set fire to your whole desk!

Heh! Heh!

That is your only chance

It is futile to resist

Halloween approaches!

Heh!

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon. Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”

The post Doctor Curmudgeon Battles Paperwork appeared first on Sermo.

Doctor Curmudgeon: Ben Franklin and Me

lisasermo — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:00:02 +0000

This week, the old Curmudgeon had a mental bloppo.

I seemed to remember that great gentleman, Ben Franklin, saying something about insurance not meant to cover every penny of everything.

After fruitless hours of searching, I could not find that quote.

I did know that, in addition to being one of our Founding Fathers, he was the Father of mutual insurance.

I was hoping that, being a certified curmudgeon, I could channel him on that point, but he must have been busy as there was a huge waiting line. I did meet a few other curmudgeons, but that’s for another column

Serendipity is an interesting muse, because in the course of searching, I found an unrelated quote which I feel compelled to post here:

“No man’s life, liberty or fortune is safe while our legislature is in session”

* * *

My door was partially open. As I sat in my office, getting chocolate crumbs on my keyboard, I heard goings-on at the front desk.

Assistant (a smile and gentleness in her voice): “Ma’am, your co pay is twenty dollars. Would you prefer to pay by cash or credit card?”

Patient: (sounding unhappy and upset): “What? Twenty dollars? I thought my insurance paid for everything? I pay a ton of money every month.”

It’s true; most of us pay a very un-pretty penny each month for our insurance coverage.

There are many, many, many who believe that insurance must cover everything. But, to insure is to cover against catastrophe, not cover every single dime or penny or pence or ha’penny.

Where did we lose this concept?

My parents had insurance and I remember them paying what the insurance did not cover. It was so simple then.

If they were short of cash, they could always discuss this with the hospital or physician and make arrangements to pay it off and, quite often, get a decrease in the amount owed.

And along with that old fashioned concept of what insurance is meant to be, there are precepts that have disappeared:

Don’t expect something for nothing.

Take responsibility.

Have respect for others.

Honor those who have done their best for you.

I am grieved that we pay so much to protect our health.

I am grieved that many of us can afford a small copay of twenty dollars or so, yet become annoyed when the physician’s office asks for it. We feel we pay more than enough to the insurance industry. Yet, that copay is part of the physician’s reimbursement

Yes, I am sorely grieved by this. As, I believe, dear old Ben Franklin would be … If I could only channel the man.

Read Doctor Curmudgeon as she talks about “Yes Virginia, there is still joy in medicine.”

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon. Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”

The post Doctor Curmudgeon: Ben Franklin and Me appeared first on Sermo.

Doctor Curmudgeon: It’s High Noon at the Front Desk

wpsitecare — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 13:00:49 +0000

Ah yes. The Front Desk.

A smile in the voice, a welcoming, “Doctor Curmudgeon’s Office. This is Scheherazade. How may I help you?”

Stop! Listen!

It can be a War Zone.

It can be a Funny Zone.

It can be an Idiocy Zone.

But, whatever it is, at that moment, it is a Zone where calmness, patience and professionalism must prevail.

I have culled and combined some choice things that my assistant has heard and may well hear in the future. There are no names presented here and they are not exact quotes, but are mused upon from the sometimes imperfect memory of a practicing curmudgeon.

AND NOW FOR SOME OF WHAT IS HEARD AT THE FRONT DESK, EITHER ON THE TELEPHONE OR IN PERSON (UNFORTUNATELY, IN MONTY PYTHON TERMS, IT IS NOT “TIME FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT,” BECAUSE THESE ARE NOT UNIQUE)

My dog ate my prescription.

My Vicodin fell in the toilet

My pills fell on the floor and the cat peed all over them.

I met a nice guy in a bar, so I took him home and he had no right to look in my medicine cabinet, but he did, and then I realized he stole all my pills.

My jeans were tight and I reached into my pocket to pull out my pill bottle and all the pills rolled out and I was in line at Kmart and everybody stepped all over them.

When I got out of the car, my purse was open and the car started to roll and crushed all my pills.

I have to talk to the doctor immediately, this second. I finished my last blood pressure pill yesterday and she has to call it in right now because I am waiting at the pharmacy and I have no time to sit around because I’m supposed to go to lunch with my best friend, and we want to make a movie…so you have to get her right away…I am waiting. And I need my medicine. So tell her to hurry up.

And, of course, there is the patient who calls every half hour to review his/her lab work. And each time this person calls, she/he is told that the doctor is returning calls after five and the message is on the doctor’s desk. Yet this patient keeps calling all day…all day….all day….

Welcome to the World of the Front Desk where it is always High Noon.

Read Doctor Curmudgeon as she talks about “Yes Virginia, there is still joy in medicine.”

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon. Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”

The post Doctor Curmudgeon: It’s High Noon at the Front Desk appeared first on Sermo.

Our Top Five Medical Stories this Year (so far)

wpsitecare — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 13:00:12 +0000

credit: Flickr

We‘re at the halfway mark for 2014, and we wanted to check in on our mission statement. Our goal is to project physicians‘ voices out into the broader community. The back and forth of opinions and ideas inside Sermo affects the day-to-day life in hospitals and practices around the country.

We‘ve culled from our most popular and most poignant posts. We invite you to read them if you‘ve missed them and share them with your colleagues as we all strive to improve patient care and outcomes.

Rare disease infographic. Rare disease isn’t rare! With over 7,000 documented rare diseases affecting about 10 percent of the population, it‘s a real problem faced by millions of patients globally. By studying them, we can find cures for common diseases. They can hold the key for heart disease treatment (statins) and even a potential breakthrough of a new form of antibiotic.

Doctors Yes! Providers No! Our resident Doctor Curmudgeon loves being a doctor but don’t call her provider. This witty essay stands up for physicians, and the care they provide patients.

How much do MDs really earn? There is constant chatter about the wealth of physicians. Of course, they make a good living, but you might be surprised at this infographic which shows salaries factored in with whopping educational loans and a delayed entrance to the work force.

Antibiotic resistance forecasting suggests we are in danger. This post, contributed by infectious disease expert Jim Wilson, MD, looks at the trends in hospitals for antibiotic resistant strains and what we can do to stop, even reverse, its’ progress. Bugs like MRSA don’t have to be the bane of a hospitalists existence and here‘s how we can change that.

Doctors push back against MOCs. Maintenance of Certifications are educational requirements needed to maintain specialties and hospital privileges. They‘ve become ubiquitous over the past five years and are often costly and hinged to a physician‘s career. No board certification and MDs could lose their hospital privileges. The thing is, they‘re redundant with state licensing requirements and often considered nothing more than an opportunity for associations to make money. Dr. Linda Girgis, a family practitioner, discusses the issues.

Many of our blog posts are generated by discussions inside the Sermo community. If you‘re an M.D. or D.O. please join the conversation.

The post Our Top Five Medical Stories this Year (so far) appeared first on Sermo.

Doctor Curmudgeon: Yes, Virginia, there is joy in medicine

wpsitecare — Wed, 25 Jun 2014 13:00:38 +0000

Today, Doctor Curmudgeon has accessed that spark that remains deeply within her heart.

It glows, a tiny ember that used to burn more brightly.

Yet, it is still there.

It had been a grumpy mid-morning for the Cranky doctor, filled with denials of necessary scans for her patients, requests from pharmacies wanting her to justify the meds she was ordering, forms to be filled out and dumped at the front desk because the patient was too busy to make an appointment…..when she opened an envelope marked personal:

“Dear Dr. Curmudgeon,

I just wanted you to know how happy I am to have found you. You really listened to me and cared about me.

Thank you so much…”

I remembered the patient well. He was in the throes of a vicious divorce, physically healthy and there were no meds he needed. We talked and I had referred him to a psychiatrist.

Yes, the joy was in my heart. I had been appreciated.

I reflected on other moments during the past few weeks, when patients had actually thanked me,

Some had come in with sad faces and my heart had gladdened to see them walk out smiling.

And the woman I had called on Monday morning with some less than happy news about a mammogram. Due to work, she could not come in to discuss this. We reviewed the result and where to go from there. At the end of the conversation, she thanked me for all the time I had spent. “And, Doctor, I am so happy that you directed me about where to go from here, so I don’t just sit around worrying. I am so grateful.”

There was the patient who had been seen last week and then made a special trip to bring avocadoes from his garden.

Yes, we are overburdened and frequently treated like dirt. It seems that respect is being lost for our beautiful, caring profession…but there are still those who recognize who we are and are grateful that we stay the path

Yes, Virginia, There is still Joy in Medicine. It is just harder to find.

————————————————————————————————————–

***For those of you much younger than I, this is an explanation of my title

Back in 1897, a little girl, named Virginia, wrote a letter to the New York Sun and a reporter whose last name was Church answered her. She asked if there was a Santa Claus.

And he answered: “Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy…”

Yes, Virginia, There is still Joy in Medicine. It is just harder to find.

Read Doctor Curmudgeon as she talks about “Yes Virginia, there is still joy in medicine”

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon

The post Doctor Curmudgeon: Yes, Virginia, there is joy in medicine appeared first on Sermo.

Doctor Curmudgeon: Doctors Yes! Providers No!

wpsitecare — Wed, 21 May 2014 13:00:14 +0000

I am beginning to hate many words beginning with “P”. This may become my least favorite letter of the alphabet.

Among the exceptions to Doctor Curmudgeon’s P hate list are Physician and Parfaits (preferably chocolate)

Just look at these:

P- Pimple

P-Provocateur

P-Parsimonious (when it’s stingy, not frugal)

P-Plagiarize

P- PROVIDER

And, please refrain from peppering your pithy comments with all the good P words out there, let’s just focus on Provider.

I AM NOT A PROVIDER.

I did not receive a degree in providing. A provider is someone who makes things available, or makes arrangements or supports…or stuff like that.

I am proud to have earned an M.D. Doctor of Medicine.

Others are equally proud to have earned a D.O. Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine.

And so we are Doctors. We are Physicians. We are M.Ds and D.Os. We are not Providers.

We know that calling us providers is a way of lumping us with others … making us all the same. Just a bunch of providers.

I have my own little private insurgency going.

When I am on the phone calling in a prescription and, if asked for the “provider’s name,” I say, loudly and clearly, “I am NOT a provider. I am a physician. I am Doctor Curmudgeon.”

When some stupid form (by definition, all forms are stupid, to me) asks for the provider’s signature, I cross it out and write “physician” or “doctor,” depending on my mood.

I do not recall when first I heard the dreaded term “provider” – but I do not like it.

I survived medical school

I survived my training

I am now joyously practicing as a doctor

Bio:

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon

The post Doctor Curmudgeon: Doctors Yes! Providers No! appeared first on Sermo.