There are things that occur in the simple course of daily living that get my Curmudgeon up. They make me:
Want to holler
Want to reach through the phone and grab the person on the other end
Run to an island without anything more technical than a thatched hut
Find another planet.
I really hate it.
I am busy.
I call some place for tech support.
PERFECTA: “Oh hello, I am Perfecta. I am here to give you perfect service. I am so sorry you are having a problem. I am here for you and I….”
ME (breaking in): “I keep getting a red error notice, loud noise and my digital smart toaster oven shakes whenever I dial ‘toast.'”
PERFECTA: I am so sorry that you are having this problem. I will be sure that you get the help you need. What is your name?”
PERFECTA: “Oh, Hermione, I am so happy that you called. I do hope you are having a wonderful day…”
RUDE ME (breaking in): “My toaster oven. Why is it going nuts?”
PERFECTA: “Nuts? Oh, I am sorry. We are not here for nuts. I thought you were calling about your toaster that was having a problem.”
ME (screaming): “I told you about my toaster…remember…red light…shaking…”
PERFECTA (with her sickeningly sweet voice). “Madam, you are screaming. I am sorry. It is not necessary to raise your voice.”
ME (quietly exasperated and back to nail chewing): “Just tell me what to do about my brand new, two week old, expensive toaster.”
PERFECTA: “I am so sorry that you have this difficulty with your toaster. I am so sorry that you get the red error message. I will help you. But, I want you to know that I am really sorry…….”
ME (really screaming now): “Don’t say you’re sorry. Just fix the damn thing.”
PERFECTA: (after a pause): “Madam, you have cursed me. I am sorry, but I will have to report you to…”
Next sound is me slamming the phone against the wall.
So readers, friends, foes, anybody who is out there…
Is there one among you who has not encountered a similar situation?
Is there one among you who knows the secret to handling these kinds of calls better?
If so, please, I implore you…tell me your secrets.
OH yes, I am so so so so so so so so so so so sorry to bother you with this dilemma