Leave out little chocolates (wrapped of course) and other tempting inducements for the organizational elves.

And this is what will happen…..

At night when you are abed, the little creatures will prance o’er your desk and flit through your office filing, shredding, and sorting labs.

Surprised but pleased, you will leave out chocolate again, and the same thing happens and more. They show initiative and call insurance companies to ask about pending payments, call patients about payments due. All in your voice because they have that ability and HIPAA clearance too.

You will leave chocolate varieties, such as chocolate nut clusters and chocolate jellies.

Your old accounts receivable will be all be collected and your current accounts receivable will be collected within 45 days.

You will expand your chocolate selection to include truffles, and Belgian and Swiss confections.

In additioned to all the aforementioned tasks, your computers will start up in a trice with all programs ready to go in the blink of an eye without fail and EPIC will work perfectly all the time. You will think of viruses only as things that cause illnesses in living organisms and you will stop using computer jargon like glitch, work-around and worm.

Ever doubtful, you and your partner will secret yourselves in the supply closet one night to see for yourself the goings-on.

At the stroke of midnight, in will come two little elves carrying secretarial and computer supplies and busy themselves with all your work. You have never had employees that were as industrious as these twoare, who will finish long ere the break of dawn.

Amazed and appreciative, you will turn to your partner and say,
“These little wights have so helped, we must be thankful and show our appreciation. Let’s study them and figure out what they might need.”

Skills honed by your years of study and practice of medicine (and the little bit you overheard whilst in your supply closet, which of course you will never divulge) you will discern what are the needs of these delightful creatures.

That night you will leave out not only your customary delectable chocolates, but also a list of clinics where they can get free or low cost medical care and medications and you offer your services gratis and you give them a teeny-tiny pre-paid cell phone because no one should be without a phone these days.

After midnight they will come in, skipping and dancing as usual and do their work, perfectly and industriously as always. They will see your chocolates and then your letter and smile and laugh with pleasure and say, “Medical care for us pixies, what a wonderful thing!” And they will whirl and dance, round and round, faster and faster ‘till they rise up in the air and fly out the window.

They won’t come back to your office.

But before they go they will scatter invisible golden fairy dust that will permeate every part of your office and hover over everyone that works there.

And everything will go well in your office and practice from thence forward and forever.

You cannot just leave condoms and OCPs strewn about and hope the papers will get the hint. They are like horny teenagers – you need some Depo- or Norplant for them…